Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
