i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
