lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
