What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
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please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
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My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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