Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
