I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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