I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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