I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
