think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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