I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
