I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
