I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
