Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
