Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
