He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
