I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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