If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
