a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
someone owes me an orgasm
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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