sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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