i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
