he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
