I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
