the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
