I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
