Reggie can tackle my bush.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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