I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
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Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm both gender and math confused
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