I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
