Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
4 words: hood of his car
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Randomize
