I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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