He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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