Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I need a beard to bite.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
