No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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