So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
