I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
