Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
