don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just want nice things and good sex
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
