I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
