I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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