I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize