it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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