My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
