I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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