Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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