did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
