somebody snuck up and got me drunk
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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