i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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