does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
