I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
