apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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