Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize