So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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