I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
