shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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