just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
