where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
