It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
