i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Hippo gnu deer
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
