the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
