the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
