Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
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Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
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Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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