I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
