I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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