Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
