can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
