he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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