Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
