I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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