i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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