This is not my ceiling
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
